Seeing Windows

Whether I am counseling someone in crisis or I am editing footage that I've taken with my camera, I realize that as different as they can be- it's the stories that I'm caring for and making known, creating windows for others that need a way to see the value of these stories, in order to recognize their true depth. 
These days, rather than feeling as though I am pulled in too many different directions I feel as though the various facets of my life and work are finally synthesizing in a way where I can be at most ease in the beauty of the process and the influence of what I do. That is a very new sensation, this feeling of somehow satisfaction in my abilities because, it wasn't always so. 
   Fear is a funny thing. It can possess you so that you never know what you're actually afraid of because you never look at it directly in it's ugly face. Sometimes fear is imposed upon you, often children and vulnerable adults are the most at risk for this because of how more able bodied people with not so nice intentions, can take advantage of their weaknesses. 
When I work the crisis line, it's not uncommon that I can feel helpless against the tumult of all the worlds falling apart amongst callers. They are not supposed to, and don't need to know that I listen to these sorts of stories everyday, all day because, what I want them to focus on are their hurt, their needs and how they can best heal themselves. This has transformed my own idea of how to utilize my own trauma to help others rather than to see it as a weakness making me vulnerable to feeling less confident about my abilities.
   In essence, I've learned vulnerability is really an invaluable asset that should be cultivated rather than buried beneath an austere veneer of capability. The best people I know, understand that knowing their weaknesses is just as important as knowing their strengths, so that they are aware of what areas need more support or further growth. 

It has taken me a long time to realize the power that lies within myself to overcome great obstacles, and when to lean on others when I don't feel as strong as I need to be. But it's never too late to understand who you are, where you come from and where you're going.

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